I Hate You Even More For Understanding Me
by HeartBreAk Lily
Summary: I know you have trouble with yourself. I know your father rapes and abuses you. I know how empty you feel. I know how desperate you are for something different. Want to know how? Because I'm your stalker. Mello x Near, L x Near Rape, Abuse, Yaoi
1. Can They Really See Me?

**Here's a story for you~**

**WARNING: ABuSe, RaPE, yAOi and some other shit.**

**If you actually like to pay attention, then read this. As a warning, I would like to say that this is just another sad story; there will be abuse and so on. If you don't like it, go waste your time on something else. Don't worry, I'm not making him like, suicidal or anything. Therefore, do not complain about it in the reviews.. if you do, I guess you're stupid. Have a nice day! **

**I got inspiration for this story from the song "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5.**

**Disclaimer: …**

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April of 2004

Near turned around, frightened. He could've sworn he heard something. He knew someone was following him, and it scared the living daylights out of him. It has been like this for that past few months.

He felt watched.

He knows someone is following him.

There is no doubt about it. Either that, or Near has been looking into his father's detective files for too long... But he knows it's true! Near is definatley not being paranoid. In the corner of his eye, it always seems as if a shadow is following.

He tried to ignore it at his best as he continued to walk home. But it was undeniably frightening to have someone watching your every move. Near signed and walked a bit faster down the street to his house. He heard the rustle of bushes behind him, and his heart beat began to race.

He just ran the rest of the way home.

He ran up the front porch and tried to catch his breath. The albino looked back once more to try and see if anyone _was_ following him. But there is always no one there... Near finally got into his house; he quickly locked the front door behind him. He was relieved to finally escape that miniatrure terror scene. All the fear was drained out of his system.

Then he suddenly became frightened again... his father, Ryuzaki, was home. Near knew he had to pass the study door to get upstairs. The study was where his father works for all of his detective investigations...

Near was frozen in place.

He was really scared... but he started to walk anyway. He began to think maybe he wouldn't be heard or maybe he was sleeping... His hopes suddenly were crushed.

"Near?"

He suddenly stopped in fear; he dropped his book bag.

Ryuzaki was standing at the top of the stairs as if waiting for him!

"Are you trying to sneak your way past me?!" he yelled angrily.

"N-no!" he stuttered.

"You little shit! Do you really think I'm that stupid?! Get up here, NOW."

He stared at the top of the stairs, and into his fathers angry eyes. The albino couldn't help but show intense fear in his eyes, as of staring into the eyes of a monster. He didn't know what to do; he felt trapped in this life threatening situation.

"No! Please, I'm sorry!" he pleaded.

"GET UP HERE!"

Near shook his head fiercely as if just asked to do drugs or something. He quickly started to run as fast as possible down the hall, but Ryuzaki was right behind him with a deadly look in his eyes.

Near had no place else to run, so he was just about to go down to the basement. He opened the door frantically but a sudden force pushed him down the hardwood stairs. Near went tumbling down, all the way to the concrete floor.

He lay at the bottom of the stairs tremlbing, his body aching all over. The sight of Ryuzaki walking down caused his whole body to shake.

"Please don't..." he cried.

The older man roughly grabbed Near's shirt and held him up to face him directly.

"Don't you dare run from me! I'm going to teach you a little lesson... then maybe you'll know better next time!"

Near was then dragged all the way up upstairs and then all the way to the top floor, despite his cries.

"Please stop!" he yelled.

He was only ignored and drug into the bedroom. Ryuzaki began to strangle the defenseless boy to the floor and onto the bed. All the screaming and yelling... is it really worth it? Others would wonder: why take your frustration out on this innocent kid?

Near took another harsh hit to the stomach and cried out for help again and again...

But no one was ever there.

His clothes were forcefully removed and thrown across the room.

"Wait!! Please stop-!!"

And it happened once again; a beating and then...

He hated everything about it.

Ever since the death of his other dad, Light, Ryuzaki had become angry and abusive. Then one day, he finally exploded. And this is someone... who Near loves. Ryuzaki is his father, his guardian, his only hope...but he is also the one who hurts him. He's all he has left to call family.

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**Fuck, what's my problem?**

**No, I do not enjoy torturing Near in stories.**

**Update will come when I stop being lazy.**


	2. Another Window to Jump out Of

**Warning: abUsE, YaOi, RapE.**

_**Now, I must say something. I originally had two different ideas for this story. Should it be dark or happy? I could put the two ideas together but I didn't want the story to be long. So, tell me in the reviews. If you need to know what I mean by "dark" then, please ask me. (I would have to change the rating! Haha.)**_

**Disclaimer: ...**

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After all that, Near snuck downstairs to get his book bag and everything for school. It was now later, about eight in the afternoon. The young albino crept upstairs, and quickly ran into his room, the door locked behind him.

Near didn't want Ryuzaki to come in again for a _second_ beating; it has in fact happened before. It's even worse that time, though.

That night, Near completed all of his homework and was preparing for bed.

He was about to turn off the light, but then noticed a chill. He turned around and saw that the window was wide open.

"I didn't even..." he mummbled to himself.

It was true; Near hadn't left the window open at all. He walked over and observed how high it was opened. It was quite immpossible... because Near wouldn't even be able to reach that high.

He quickly became paranoid; Ryuzaki would never go in his room. So, who could it be?

He gulped and stared outside, into the dark.

What if there _was_ someone out there? What if someone actually went into his house?

He trembled at the thought, and just reached up to close the window. Near made sure to lock it, and to draw the curtains.

He couldn't exactly sleep that night; Near couldn't stop being paranoid! Every time he closed his eyes, all the frightening ideas of what could happened popped up in his head. Near finally got a hold of himself, and thought of how stupid the whole thing was. It was quite unreasonable.  
It was probably Ryuzaki in his room; who else could it be? And who in their right mind would climb through the bedroom window? It's all very silly.

But even though, Near was still unable to fall asleep.

He wanted to clear his mind; the weekend was coming up and he didn't want anything to worry about. He would finally have a chance to get out of the house and away from his father.

Near just gave up and jumped out of bed. What to do? He checked the time; it was almost midnight. Near opened his door and poked his head out to see if it was clear. The light to Ryuzaki's bedroom was on, but he was probably working, so he won't come out.

Near waited, until his eyes were adjusted to the dark then he quietly walked down the hall to the bathroom; he felt stupid, sneaking around his house like a robber. But it was only precautionary; he didn't want his father to hear him, or it would cause a lot more trouble.

Near got into the bathroom and made sure to lock that door also... See what paranoia can do to someone? Near turned the handle and watched as the warm water filled the tub.

He looked at himself in the mirror and paused for a second. The thoughts were coming back again... '_What if they can see me now?' he asked himself._

Near shrugged it off and began to unbutton his plain, white pajama top. Even if only the top row was unbuttoned, the bruises and bitemarks were obviously visible. He felt shamed to even look at himself through the glass...

Once fully undressed, he stepped into the bathtub and sat down. Near closed his eyes, and tried to relax a bit at the soothing feeling of the water. It was hard to have a clear mind in his situation, though. Everything seemed wrong; the grades weren't good enough, he felt mistreated, he wanted something different for once.  
Near was sick of the same thing over and over again. '_That's the cost for trying to be perfect I guess..._'

Near didn't exactly hate his life, because hate is a strong word. He just regretted some things... Would regretting being born be an option? No, he just disliked the fact of always being... the _same thing_ everyday.

The routine never changes; wake up, get dressed, have an argument with Ryuzaki, go to school, get made fun of, run home, paranoid, get Ryuzaki pissed off, only to get abused and raped, stay in his room all day... and then wake up, only to find it has to happen yet again.

And that's the way it will stay for the rest of his pointless existence.

Near is left there, alone to think '_Shouldn't there be more than just this?_'

All he wants is something exciting to happen for once. The only thing that has happened was being followed by some creep after school... It's not enough.

"... If what they want is me... then why wait so long when I already know? What are they trying to accomplish...?"

Near's head started to ache at all of the unanswered questions. He was frustrated about not knowing what was going on or what was going to happen.

'_Then again, it could be all in my head..._'

His heart dropped at the thought, and he had no clue why. Was it the feeling of being... unwanted? Or was it just that discomfort of being alone?

Near denied both of the conclusions, and stood up to dry off. He slipped into his clothes and drained the water in the bathtub.

He still wondered... What could this mean?

Near took his dirty clothes and walked down the hall again, towards to his room. He noticed the light in his father's room was off which meant he was probably in bed... The albino threw his clothes into a hamper and absentmindedly walked over to Ryuzaki's room. He stopped suddenly at the door and finally realized what he was about to do.

But he peeked in anyway...

Ryuzaki was lying in bed; there were papers scattered all over the bed and floor. He probably grew sick of all the working...

Near quietly walked in and looked around. He decided to be nice for once and pick up everything on the bed and floor. He stacked everything on the desk and paused. There, on the table, was a photograph of the three of them; Ryuzaki, Light, and him...  
It was taken a few years back, when Near was only seven years old. The two older men were holding Near, protectively in their arms with a big smile on their faces.

'_When we were happy..._'

Near sighed, and faced it down. He didn't need anything more to stress about; no more regrets... He regretted everything he said before Light's death... But he didn't know better; Near was only a child. He didn't understand exactly what death was back then.  
No one really understands what it is until it happens... It's just something that cannot be changed or undone. Near was forced to accept that fact.

He sighed and walked over to the bed. Near stared at his father's slumbering expression, and put a hand on his cheek.

"Goodnight daddy... I love you..."

He bent over and kissed the older man on his forehead.

Sure, Ryuzaki hurts the poor boy a lot, but that's not stopping him from loving Ryuzaki , right? He is Near's father after all.

Near glanced at him one more time before exiting the room. He shut the door and made his way to his own room. At the moment he opened the door, a cool breeze brushed his face.

He froze in shock.

The window was open yet again.

Near felt like screaming. He felt like going insane right then and there. He wanted to scratch out his eyes into believing this wasn't happening.

But it was all too true to think like that.

"No!" he yelled.

The window was fucking locked! And so were all the doors downstairs!

"How can this be happening!?"

Near instantly realized that all of his paranoia was actual, real fear. There was no doubt about it. There_ is _someone following. They _do_ know where he lives. They _have_ been in his house, not to mention they know some crazy way to unlock doors and windows...

Near shut his door and locked it, securely. He then ran to the closet and checked through it to make sure no one was there. He did the same with under the bed. Near reluctantly ran to the window and shut it quickly. He also tried to lock it but... it was broken.

"Ahh! What do you want from me!?" he cried.

When he was sure that he was alone in this room, he jumped in bed and went under the covers for some stupid sort of protection. His entire body was shaking with fear. He didn't like this at all. Who would be so cruel to torture him like this? Is it all _really_ a game?

At least it's not the same, boring routine, right?

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**Ah, I love this chapter! It is filled with suspense! I can't wait to update it! I'm really excited about the whole thing!**

**We all know who the stalker is by know, huh? If you don't, then maybe you should check the pairing... That might be a good idea!**

**I just can't wait~ **

**RAWR. Please review and answer my question.**


	3. Oh Please, This Isn't Love

**Do you feel like a man? When you push her around?**

**Do you feel better now? As she falls to the ground...**

**Disclaimer: ... *Still not talking***

**I still don't know weither or not to make it dark! I really don't know still!**

**Warning: aBuSe, YaOi**

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And that night, Near awoke to this strange, yet comforting feeling on someone playing with his hair... He opened one eye, tiredly and looked around. There, sitting beside him in his bed, was...

"Mmm..." Near mumbled. He felt like saying something, but was too sleepy to even move.

Whoever was with him, smiled and continued to ruffle his hair.

The Next Morning

Near sat silently at the kitchen table, staring at his dad, who was searching through the cabinets. The albino didn't didn't know what to say; he had to tell someone about this whole ordeal, but was Ryuzaki really the right person? What if he didn't believe him?

Near put down his cereal spoon and looked up. "Dad..." Near said to grab his attention. "I think someone has been following me... like, everywhere."

Ryuzaki didn't bother to give any sign that he cared. "Yeah right," he finally said.

"This isn't a joke! But fine, don't do anything about it. It'll just add on to your lazy self."

"Excuse me?!" Ryuzaki yelled angrily. Near then realized he shouldn't have made that comment; it would only...

He three a glass plate at Near, who didn't even see it coming. It smashed onto the table and cut Near's arm and face...

"I gave you everything!! You're well fed, you have a nice home; would you rather live on the streets like a rodent?!"

Ryuzaki was about to throw yet another glass, but froze when he saw what he just did to Near.

"Shit..."

Near stepped back, frightened, causing the chair to fall to the floor. He held his bleeding arms and made a small noise at the pain. He was about to run... up to his room and lock himself there.

"Near wai-"

But he had already began to speed up the stairs. There was a loud door slam, and the tiny click of the lock.

Ryuzaki got a very frustrated expression.

"Why am I such an idiot?!" he yelled as he threw the glass against the floor. Ryuzaki ran up the stairs and stopped at Near's door. He knocked at it gently.

"Go away!" Near yelled. "I'm not going to school today!"

"Just let me in!"

There was a loud bang, and Ryuzaki instantly stepped away from the door.

"No! What are you going to do? Throw more crap at me? Just leave!"

"Come on, Near... I want to see your arm. It's bleeding."

"No..."

Ryuzaki sighed.

"Near, please. I know that I'm... not the same, but... ever since Light died... it seems as if there's no point anymore."

Near was quiet. Their whole family was falling apart, what little family they have left. They used to be so... happy. But... Light grew ill and died within such a small time.

"Why can't things be the same?" Near asked.

'_What a stupid question..' _Near thought. If Light isn't here... it can't be the same.

Ryuzaki didn't speak... because he was thinking the same as Near.

"Do you even love me?" he asked.

There was no answer, only the soft click of the lock. Near opened the door and stared at the floor. He flung toward Ryuzaki and hugged him tightly.

"I don't love you!" he cried.

Ryuzaki put a hand on Near's back and rubbed in a comforting way. "I understand. You shouldn't get too comfortable with me. I'll end up hurting you."

"I know."

Near stepped back and stared at the floor again...

"Maybe it's best you leave me alone..."

Ryuzaki nodded. "Is your arm okay...?"

"I'm fine. You shouldn't worry about me."

Ryuzaki got a worried expression. "Alright..." he said. "Don't go to school today..."

Near stepped back and held the door.

"Hold on..." Ryuzaki said. He leaned in and gave a small kiss to his forehead.

Near looked up, a bit surprised. He looked away and shut the door. Ryuzaki put his hands in his pocket, looked away, and walked down the stairs.

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**Cute, huh? Mello is my favorite little stalker!**

**Update will be... like, now!**


	4. He Actually Cares, Unlike Anyone Else

_I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend._

_You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in._

_And, if you do not want to see me again, I would understand._

_I would understand._

**That song is called ****"The Jumper"**** by Third Eye Blind. It's SO good! **

**I'm sorry for not updating quickly. I missed two days of school and have a lot of makeup work to do! Testing is also coming up, which sucks even more! Here is a pretty little update! **

**Warning: This shall be the boringest (I know that's not a word!) chapter ever!**

Near quickly walked over to the nightstand and grabbed a bottle of water; he poured it on his wound then wrapped it with some cloth.

He began to wish he didn't exist.

He knew... that when he got back to school, people would think he did this to himself. Isn't it sad how some people _must _find a flaw with you, and use it against you? They must not have any friends.

"I ha-... no, I don't like myself."

Near walked over to the window and stared into the dark, cloudy sky.

"It's going to rain soon," he said to himself.

And at that moment, he felt completely drained of life. Near had never felt so empty before. Oh, he felt like jumping... just to see if his broken wings would spread.

'_Don't do it, Near,'_ he thought. '_I'm not that stupid._'

He walked away and plopped himself onto the bed. It was too early in the morning to still be awake... Since he's not going to school, he just decided to sleep again. After all, he did have some trouble last night.

'_No..._'

Boredom struck. It was the kind of 'bored' when you wanted to rip your hair and start tearing the wall paper off.

Near really didn't feel like being locked up in his room all day. If so, he would come out completely brain-dead.

Near looked at the clock beside his bed and concluded that his father would be leaving in about an hour...

He's a detective and all, so he isn't home that much. Sometimes he even has to go on really long trips for a case in a different city, or even country. And Near is left home by himself; sometimes someone watches him during the day, but not often.

It didn't matter if he hurt Near a lot, he still missed him dearly.

And especially now, with the whole stalker situation, Near hopes he doesn't have to leave.

Near got up and walked over to his closet. To kill time, he took out a puzzle and a box of dominos.

See, this is another thing people make fun of him for. They say things like this are for little kids. Well, that's because they sit in front of a television screen all day playing video games that will eventually make them go stupid.

Video games, television shows, and movies are so easy to figure out. It's like reading an instruction manual in bold letters.

So pointless...

Near soon grew bored of the blank puzzle, even after putting it together differently every time.

He set that to the side and began to line up the dominos. Usually, Near would go at it for hours, but now it just seemed boring. Either that or he was just tired...

Yeah, that was it.

Near pushed everything to the side and went back into bed. He decided to just sleep for a little while...

He fell asleep to the soft sound of the rain; so beautiful.

_

_

"I just don't know anymore."

Near opened his eyes quickly. That voice... Was it just his imagination?

He looked around the room, and yet again, no one was there. Near sighed. "I'm so sick of this," he said.

All of the paranoia was getting quite old. He has way too many things to be worrying about.

"Aw, just forget it..." he whispered.

Near looked at the clock again; Ryuzaki wasn't home right now. The albino hopped out of bed and ran out the door. He went down the stairs and into the kitchen to eat something.

He grabbed some of Ryuzaki's sweets from the refrigerator and sat down.

"I'm bored," he said. "Oh wow. Why am I talking to myself? Why am I asking myself why I'm talking to myself?"

He giggled and took another bite of the sugar filled snack before him.

Near then got serious, and thought about yesterday, about everything.

'_If someone is watching me, then why not come out already? Why haven't they made a move or something?_'

He groaned in frustration and got up. He was about to go back upstairs when the phone suddenly began to ring.

Near let it ring a few times before walking over to it. He checked for the caller ID, but it said 'unknown'.

It wouldn't be Ryuzaki, because Near knew his number.

He was afraid to answer it...

But he did anyway.

"...Hello?"

"Hi Near!" said a male voice.

There was a pause. Near didn't recognize the voice at all, but they sounded pretty happy to talk to him...

"Who is this...?"

"Uh... no one. How are you feeling?"

Near got an annoyed looked on his face; he really felt like hanging up on this stupid person, but was curious...

"I'm a little bit freaked out right now. Who is this?" he demanded.

"Who cares about that? Are you alright?" the stranger asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your hand was bleeding and all, so I wanted to know if you're okay. Maybe you should put bandages on it or something-..."

Then, Near knew... This was the stalker. Who else could possibly have known about his wound?

"Who are you?! This isn't funny anymore!" he yelled into the phone.

The person on the other line chuckled. "Whoever said this was a joke? No one's laughing."

"Please, just leave me alone!"

There was a short silence. "I'm afraid I can't do that... Sorry, Near... I know you're scared and everything, but you don't have to be."

"Who wouldn't be scared when some creep is watching them!?"

"Hey! I'm not a creep! That's really mean."

"Just leave me alone. How did you get this number, anyway?"

"It's not that hard, you know. Well, I got to go. I'll be seeing you soon, Near. I hope your hand gets better and everything... And try not to get Ryuzaki mad anymore. I hate what he does to you."

He hung up. Near dropped the phone and broke down crying. He sat in the corner of the room, curled up in a ball, sobbing, not because he was scared, but because...

"He actually cares!!"

Because he actually cares... No one really has that kind of feeling these days.

**Oh, Nia-chan. Don't cry.**

**Hey! I need some ideas for later chapters! Got any?**

**I'll update soon! I'm sorry this chapter was kind of boring!**


	5. Please Forgive Me

**Chapter 5**

**I'm sorry about going missing for like 2 months... I had technical difficulties! Now I'm back with an update!**

**Disclaimer:** ... I found a quarter!

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Near locked himself in his room for the rest of the day, afraid to come out. He kept thinking about how frightening it was, but he knew... deep inside... he was thankful. He was thankful that someone could protect him, and watch his every move.

Anytime he would feel lonely, he wouldn't actually be.

Someone would be there; it relieved Near.

He felt empty right now... so... He went back downstairs to try to be vulnerable. He thought it was really desperate to actually go out in the open for his stalker to see him, but he didn't care anymore.

Near waited for a good half hour, until he gave up.

There were no calls, no creepy shadows... no nothing.

He sighed and started to walk up the stairs. But luckily, the phone started ringing. Near quickly ran over and answered.

"Hello?" Near answered.

"Hey! Were you waiting for me? That's so cute!"

Near sighed and sat down on the floor. "I was hoping... you'd call back..."

"Yeah... I kind of saw that in your eyes so I didn't want you to feel lonely or anything. Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Near said. "I guess I just..."

"Do you want me to come over? I can keep you company."

Near thought about this; he really wanted to see what this guy looked like and all but it would be quite dangerous to be left alone with him. Who knows what could possibly happen? "No... Can you stay on the phone for a bit, though?"

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?"

Near started to twirl his hair. "Can you see me right now...?"

"Yes, I can."

"...But how?"

"Well, I can't really tell you that much, sorry... But I can say that usually I'm watching you in person."

'_In person...?_' Near thought. '_Then what's the rest? Video cameras or something?'_

"It's okay. I don't really expect you to tell me that much anyway... What about in my room?"

"Yeah, that too."

Near rested his head against the wall and stayed silent. He couldn't believe he was talking to his stalker as if they were best friends. It was foolish and he didn't want to trust anyone. But... for Near, trust is rare. Trust can be easily broken.

"...Are you there?"

"Yes," Near replied.

"Why won't you let me come in? Why won't you let me hold you...? I know you feel lonely, especially at night. Don't you want someone else there?"

Near stayed quiet. His heart felt truly heavy as his words, because they were true. Near does want someone there for him. All the stress from Ryuzaki makes everything hard. It makes everything a bit more frightening...  
Near wanted to cry at that moment. He wanted to say how right he was, but he didn't have courage to do so.

"...Are you alright? Near, please don't cry... I don't want to make you cry."

The albino sighed and waited for some unwanted emotion to take over him; nothing happened. He then realized he couldn't be brought to tears.

"I feel too empty to cry... I can't find the enthusiasm."

There was a silence. "I bet I could make you cry... if you want."

Near rubbed his eye and frowned. "Okay. Go ahead."

"You feel very scared. You are forced to be afraid both at home and at school. Your classmates harass you just about everyday... for_ simply_ being yourself. They find one flaw... one imperfection... and use it against you. That's why you try your best to get perfect grades and such. But it is also... a way of proving you are worthy. You feel as if Ryuzaki doesn't fully appreciate you and your accomplishments. You want to show him that you are smart too... Near, you just want his attention... but unfortunately, he's much too busy to even find the time..."

Near felt overwhelmed with shock, yet relief. He was so happy someone understood him well enough to know even those dark secrets... But, what more could he possibly know?

"Yes... you're right."

"You don't have to worry. I'll make sure that never happens again. At least...I'll try my best. I can't always help you...and I need you to understand that..."

Near sighed in relief. "I understand. You _must_ have a life besides watching me though, right?"

There was a pause; Near waited, stupidly. "Not really," he responded.

The albino made a face in a sign of annoyance. "You have got to be kidding me. So, you just sit in your room all day getting high on energy drinks watching me?"

"No! I don't high on energy drinks! It's chocolate! There is a difference! And why would I sit in my room all day? I go out almost everyday to follow you around!"

"You went in my room, right?" Near asked.

"Yeah."

"Why did you break the lock on my window?"

There was a short pause. "Do you really expect me to unlock that thing all the time? Honestly Near, I thought you would have thought this through! I mean, I have to get in somehow."

Near brought a finger to his hair and twirled the white locks furiously.

"You come in my house?"

"Just your room. I don't want your dad to see me 'cause, god that would need a lot of explaining. Anymore questions?"

"I have a whole lot more, but I'll save those for later. For now... what's your name?"

"I need to conceal my true identity for obvious reasons, but you can call me Mello."

Near knew he would hide his real name, but even so, Near wanted the truth.

Nothing but the truth.

"Can you tell me your age?" Near asked.

"Ugh. You're probably going to do a freaking people search or something!"

Near smirked. "What gives you that idea?"

"Okay! If it makes you happy, I'm a few years older than you. That's all I'm saying. You're so lucky I'm not some middle aged guy in a mysterious white van across the street from your house."

Near started to giggle, but then broke out laughing. "Yes, I'm very fortunate."

Mello suddenly got really quiet when Near laughed like that. The albino noticed this and became silent himself.

"Near... ..."

"W-what?"

Near heard him sigh on the other end of the phone.

"If I said that I'm obsessed with you and want to be a part of your life... and I'm mad crazy in love with you... would you hang up on me?"

Near was speechless, absolutely speechless. It was the strangest thing. He kind of felt like crying...

"What? You're kidding, right? That's got to be some sick joke to get under my skin..."

"Believe me... What I say is true..."

Near's eyes darkened with hatred. He held the phone tightly in his hand and wanted to scream...

"That's a lie... It _has_ to be a lie... I can't imagine how you could come up with something so stupid!"

"Why can't you accept that maybe someone cares?! You think you've got it all straightened out, but guess what? You don't! Just because Ryuzaki abuses you, doesn't mean everyone else will! Do you really think I'm that low?! Well if that's what you think, then I guess you don't need my help!! Good luck bleeding to death!"

Mello then hung up.

Near stayed silent for a few moments before dropping the phone to the floor.

"I'm sorry..." Near whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

Near cried in silence, saying those words over and over again. It reminded him of that heartbreaking day at the funeral.

'_I said I'm sorry daddy! Why won't you wake up?! I didn't mean it!! Please come back!!'_

Near ignored those horrid memories and continued to cry by himself, all alone. He desperately wanted Mello to call back so he could say how sorry he was.

Near wanted... to admit that Mello was right, and he was wrong.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Near felt so heavyhearted; it was that feeling of rejection... or even abandonment.

He wanted someone to care for him, but of course he had to get Mello pissed off. Now... he feels alone; he feels so alone.

'_But wait..._' Near thought. '_He does care... The reason he hung up was because I denied his love..._'

It had to be a lie though. How could someone possibly love another person by simply watching them 24/7?

Near wiped away his tears away and tried to calm down. He refused to let this pain take over him any longer. He refused to break.

* * *

**Uah! Kat's Doll just killed me! ARG! **

**I'll update as soon as possible! I am really sorry for the long wait!**

**-Lily**


	6. Stalker Note!

Can you stay strong? Can you go on? 

Kristy, are you doing okay?

A rose that won't bloom. Winter kept you.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Near didn't exactly know what to do at this point. He was tired and stressed out, not to mention bored. The albino had been in that same spot for about an hour, and he was about to fall asleep.

The phone was still in his hand, but he felt much too tired and lazy to put it back. He was sitting against the wall, resting his head on it. Just as he was about to fall asleep, the phone started to ring. Near jumped up in surprise; he quickly calmed down and looked at the Caller ID. At first, he suspected it would be Mello, but it was only Ryuzaki.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey Near. I'm on my way home. Is everything okay over there?"

"Yes... everything is fine..." Near replied.

The albino wondered why Ryuzaki would call in the first place; he usually never does. Well, Near has been home alone for a while, so that was probably the reason.

Unless... he was worried... unless he cared... Maybe Ryuzaki was worried about Near; maybe he thought Near was... suicidal...

Near made a face at that thought; it was crazy to even think about that kind of stuff. But there is a possibility that Ryuzaki was thinking it.

But still, there was no way on Earth that Near was suicidal... or anything like that! Sure, maybe he was a bit depressed... but Near would never harm himself in any way...

"Hello? Near, are you there?" Ryuzaki asked.

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention. What were you saying?"

Ryuzaki was quiet for a moment before speaking up. "I got this really difficult case to work on... but there's a problem... It's all the way in Japan. And in order to solve it, I have to travel there. I was wondering if you were willing to go with me to Japan..."

Near was quite surprised at this information. He knows his father has to travel a lot, to different countries and what not... but at a time like this?! Near is currently being watched by some stalker named Mello who knows his way around the house and probably has a fucking key inside. But then again...

Would he really want to go all the way to Japan... with _Ryuzaki?_

Near knows that when Ryuzaki gets stressed out, he takes all of his anger out on him. He yells and screams and it makes Near scared. The albino wouldn't want to get caught in that situation...

"When are you leaving?" Near asked.

"I'm leaving next week, on Sunday. Well... do you want to come or not? I can give you some time to think about it if you want."

Near twirled his hair, thinking about what he should do.

"But um... what if I stay here? Someone would watch me, right?"

"Yes, of course. I could send over one of your cousins to watch you during the day," Ryuzaki replied.

"Okay then... Well, I'm not sure if I want to travel that far... you know...? I would rather stay here at home..."

Ryuzaki was silent.

"That's not the only reason, is it?" he asked.

Near expected him to say that; he was really smart after all.

"No, it's not the only reason. I think you know what else I'm talking about," Near said.

Again, Ryuzaki stayed quiet. Near could tell he was hurt by the words he just said.

"I see..." he said. "Well... I'm almost home... so I'll see you in a bit... bye Near..."

"... ...Bye."

Near sighed and put the phone back on the charger.

"Ugh! Why do I say such stupid things?! Me and my big mouth..."

Near looked around the room, hoping to maybe see a mysterious person looking through the window or something. Sadly for him, there was nothing.

"Maybe he gave up on me..." Near said to himself.

Near just felt so angry about what he said; he was sick of saying things he didn't mean. Now, he feels... lonely again.

With nothing more to do, Near went back upstairs into his room. He plopped himself down on to the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Near, who was starting to feel extremely bored, closed his eyes and lie there for a few minutes. He then felt a gentle, warm breeze on his face, and he thought of how relaxing it felt.

Near stupidly realized what it meant: Mello had come into his room...

His head shot up and he looked over to the right and saw that the window was wide open. He quickly jumped up and ran to it.

Near looked down but there was no one in sight. He thought about how much it sucked to have a window facing the backyard, since Mello could hide easily behind the trees back there.

Near gave a frustrated sigh. He decided to just leave the window open for the time being. He thought maybe Mello would come later...

Near sat down in a chair beside the window; he felt so stupid for getting his hopes up.

He then noticed something; a small piece of paper stuck between the window and the frame.

Near made an annoyed face and took it in his hands. On it said:

_Near_

_I'm really sorry for what I said to you! ): I didn't mean it; I kind of have a bad temper. I think it best you don't take me seriously! By the way, I'll be coming tonight... _

Near looked around the room, then back down at the note again. It was written only minutes ago... This made Near a bit aggravated; Near desperately wanted to know who this Mello guy was. It seems... that he can outsmart Near, not to mention sneak around without a sound.

At the same time, Near was really relieved that Mello wasn't angry with him. He was also happy that he was coming tonight, but Near was also worried about what would happen if Ryuzaki saw him. It would either need a long, descriptive explanation, or a good cover-up story.

Near sighed and crumbled up the note. But instead of throwing it out, the albino put it inside one of his desk draws. Who knows? Maybe Mello will soon grow bored of Near...

The albino then heard the front door downstairs open, which meant Ryuzaki was home. Near walked out of the room and downstairs into the kitchen to where his father was. The older man looked kind of stressed out, so Near wasn't planning to start a fight.

"Um...hi dad," Near said.

Ryuzaki looked at Near with tired eyes; he greeted with a simple "hm" sound.

"You should go call one of your classmates to see if you have any work to make up," said Ryuzaki.

"Okay..." replied Near.

Near didn't exactly know why he was downstairs in the first place; he didn't really feel like getting hit right now... Maybe that wasn't it; maybe Near wanted to test something.

"So, you're leaving Sunday, right?" Near asked.

"Yes," Ryuzaki replied with a not so nice tone. "Any calls when I was gone?"

"No..." he lied. But it was useless to do so, this was caller ID; Ryuzaki usually checked it anyways, which made Near nervous. It made him especially nervous when Ryuzaki actually walked over to the phone and started checking everything.

"Who is this unknown caller then?" he asked.

"Uh...I-I don't know," Near stuttered.

"You're fucking bad at lying."

Near knew what this would lead to; probably a smack in the face. But Near had no intention to leak his and Mello's little secret. He would rather get beat, no murdered, than put Mello in danger.

"I don't know, okay?!"

Near was right; he did get smacked in the face. But it hurt much more than he imagined. There were even cuts on his face now, blood running down his cheek.

Near did not cry out; he didn't even show any hint of pain. He wanted to peeve Ryuzaki by showing how he has no effect of him.

To make matters worse, Near smirked.

"What are you so happy about?!!"

Ryuzaki grabbed him by the hair and slammed him into a wall; he then held him like that, forcing Near to look down.

"I bet you're really fucking happy that I'm leaving, huh?! You just want to get away from me and live your god damn life by yourself... Well see if I care! I hope... I hope I fucking die Near! Then you'd know how it feels to be alone!"

Near could hear the shaking in his father's voice; he looked up only to see the tears in Ryuzaki's eyes. Near stared worriedly in surprise at the older man.

Ryuzaki instantly released Near from his grasp and turned away.

The two were quiet for a few moments.

"Just... just leave me alone for now," Ryuzaki said.

With that, the older man went upstairs. Near heard the door slam shut...

* * *

**It was supposed to be longer but I wanted to save all of the juicy stuff for the next chapter when Mello finally comes. **

**Reviews**** make me happy!**

**-Lily (:**


	7. Another Way of Looking at It

**THE EXCITING CHAPTER IS HERE. **

**I'm really really really really really sorry for the wait! I've been busy with school and homework and friends and distractions. Just remind me to update, people! Bother the shit out of me! It's the only way!**

**Note: I wanted to change the ages a bit. (I made Mello quite a few years older than Near) I know, I know. Dumb idea. But it makes things easier for me. So just pretend to be happy. :D**

**I wanted to thank the people who stuck with me on this story. It means a lot that you still want me to write, even though I am not good at updating. So this is for you, guys!**

**Disclaimer: ...-Stares-**

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly for Near. He was relieved that it didn't drag on, feeling like endless torture. Usually, that was how it always felt like. But now, Near had something to look forward to. He was always used to having nothing to do all the time, so he was extremely thankful for everything, actually. At first, it was rather frightening—being watched and what not. But finally getting to know who this Mello guy is... and getting to know him personality wise, is a lot better that being stalked from the shadows.

Near continued to think everything over as he twirled his white hair around his finger. The albino took a glance at the door to make sure it was locked. He paused for a brief moment before checking the clock, which seemed to be taking its good old time.

'_When is he coming...?' _

It was no good feeling anxious; he wouldn't come until later that night anyway, when Near was asleep. Ugh.

Minutes past. There was no use in staying awake at all; it was almost impossible for the young albino. Even with the light on, his eyes constantly forced shut, due to the heaviness of his tired eyelids. Commonly, it was greatly difficult for him to fall into a slumber, but of course—on the day he actually wanted to stay up—his body became victim to exhaustion.

Near at last succumbed to his sleepiness and closed those fragile eyes.

__________________________________

The next thing he knew, he was slowly being drifted out of his sleep by a silent, yet soothing humming. Near reluctantly sat up, resting his head against the frame of the bed. His eyes wandered the room, though he was dazed and weary after just waking up. He wiped some sweat off his forehead, and began to feel the slight humidity in the room. Near rubbed his eyes and finally snapped out of his confused state of awakening. He looked down at his hands, resting on his small thighs. Near could tell it was still night time, the room darkened. And then he realized he never shut off the light.

The humming sound continued.

By just processing the noise through his ears, the sound was obviously coming from the other side of the room.

Near wanted to look up, but was also a bit frightened to do so. It had to be only one person.

Mello.

Near hesitantly shifted his gaze, facing up. And there, he saw that mysterious person, who made his life go into all sorts of twists and turns, the one who made emotions pour out like a powerful waterfall. His heart raced at the first sight of him.

His eyes widened.

"M-...Mello?"

_________________

The humming stopped, and the room became silent, as if the both of them were dead. Mello stared at Near, surprised at first, but then he smiled.

"Yup, that's me," he said as he stood up.

Speechless. Near was speechless. This was definitely Mello; he couldn't mistake that voice for anyone. He wanted to say something, anything, but did not find ability to speak.

"Near," Mello called.

The albino didn't respond. He was still amazingly surprised. Near studied Mello's features as he watched him slowly walk towards him. The blond crawled up on the bed.

"Near," he said again, in a more stern voice.

Close. He was very close. It made Near's heart hammer in his chest. So close. The albino could feel Mello's warm breath against his pale face.

"Near..." he repeated in a sing-song voice.

"...Yes?" he replied calmly.

"I love you," Mello whispered.

Near shuddered. But he found it relaxing how Mello said his name.

"Near..." Mello whispered, as if reading his mind.

Gentle. He touched Near's cheek and smiled.

"You're perfect."

Near blushed.

Mello leaned in, and for a moment, Near thought he was going to kiss him on the lips. He partially panicked in his mind. But it was just an innocent kiss on the forehead. Nothing more. Near stared at him quite dumbfounded; his eyes said it all. They spelled out his confusion, but also the warmth inside of him. It was a strange feeling. It reminded him of happier days.

Mello could see this perfectly, and he smiled kindly. He almost wanted to laugh in with joy. He touched the top of the albino's head and let out a sigh.

"You're cute," he stated.

Near gave him an annoyed stare and looked away with a childish expression on his face. It only added on to Mello's opinion of him.

The blond laughed.

"Soo...Happy to see me?" Mello asked with a grin.

Near did not reply; he thought it would be much too embarrassing to say yes. Though, it was true. Near was quite relieved.

Mello chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."

Near stayed silent for a few moments; he wasn't sure about what he should say or do. All he knew at the time was that it felt quite awkward with a complete stranger practically on top of him.

"Come on now, why so silent?" Mello asked as he caressed Near's cheek.

"W-what's with you?!" he asked as he tried to push Mello away, a furious blush on his cheeks.

"Okay, okay. I'll lay off the touchy-feely stuff. For now."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Mello smirked evilly, as if plotting the world's destruction in his mind.

"Haha. I'm just kidding..."

Mello got off the bed and stood up to take off his coat; he set it on the chair to Near's desk. He also removed his shoes and set them aside. Near continued to stare, unable to think properly. First of all, was Mello seriously sleeping here for the night?

"Damn...I'm tired..." Mello mumbled to himself.

He crawled up in bed with Near, but kept a distance. He lay on the far side of the bed, away from the albino.

Near asked himself why. Why the distance? If Mello had wanted to be close to him so badly...why the distance? Near then thought more closely into it. It was because of himself. He was the distant one. Maybe Mello thought Near would be uncomfortable being too close.

No more distance. No more.

"Why so far?" Near asked.

Mello stretched a bit. "No reason," he said tiredly.

'_Liar..._' Near thought. "You don't have to lay all the way over there you know."

"Then move over," Mello said as he dragged himself next to Near. The albino shared some of the blanket with Mello, making sure he wasn't cold. Near watched him closely as he began to fall asleep.

It was an odd feeling to be sharing the same bed with a complete stranger; this was his first time even seeing him. It didn't feel quite. He should he scared, really scared. If that's the case, then why is Near being so overly-friendly?  
At first, he felt like acting bitter and cold towards Mello, but it seemed he had grown to like him a little bit. Mello was a lot kinder than Near expected.

"Are you awake?" Near whispered.

"Mm..." he replied tiredly.

And in a matter of minutes, Mello was asleep. But Near did not fall asleep that easily; sure, he was exhausted, but for some reason, he wanted to watch Mello the whole night. Eventually, he also fell into a slumber.

_______________

**HOW WAS THAT, YO?! Happy that I updated? Happy that I'm not dead?  
That's what I thought. Sorry people. I know this chapter was kind of blah.**

**It was supposed to be a lot different, to tell the truth. I really wanted it to be like that too! Oh well. I'll add it in a later chapter. Wah!**

**I'll update...when I update! :D**

**-Lily (AKA: Member of the Mutant Ninja Puberty Turtles)**


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